How...Festive

If you want something new for your holiday decor--try this.

They have craft options for Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Hannukah!

Your period comes every month, but Xmas comes only once a year. So bring
that menstrual joy to this holiday season with these tampon tree decorations.
From a string of tampon lights to a star at the top of the tree, feminine
hygiene has never been so festive!

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Easter from the Bad Peeps

Ah, L'Amour

Happy Valentine's Day. I give you this. NSFW (unless you have headphones.)

Brian sent me this a few days ago and it just seems perfect.

Happy V-Day Brian, I love you.

Updates, New Yearishness edition

The Baltimore trip was grand--much shopping, much eating, good restful sleep, Brian and presents. It was entirely too short though, the only consolation being I'll be back before hieing North to AWP in just a few weeks.

Macy's at the Marley Station Mall was a treasure trove of oddities: from the multi-jurisdictional, 5 cop search and detention of a guy in the parking lot (hands cuffed behind his back, sitting on the pavement), to the discomfiting mannequins inside (heads and armless torsos that look inspired by Return of the Jedi: a gold stretch and sequined sort of C-3PO cum drag-diva model and a red quilted Imperial Guard number stood out and made me wish I had my camera), and disgruntled German shoppers holding up the Men's Wear Denim Sale line--factor in the fact that I found TWO pairs of jeans on sale that give me an ass (no small feat, let me tell you) and I knew it was going to be a day to remember.

~*~

Working New Year's Eve sucks. Being the only sober person in a bar as the ball drops sucks more. This is the first sober New Year's I've had in almost 18 years. Not sure where that ranks on the pathetic scale.

Drove home this morning into an oncoming storm. If I were a different sort of person, I'd assume this was some sort of metaphor. Thank god I'm not Kate Chopin or one who looks for signs and omens.

~*~

Arrived home to find late Christmas packages from the sibs and their spawn--nothing awful that I have to return this year. Everything is the right size and not hideous. Amazing. Likewise, no acceptances nor rejections--so it's a wash mail-wise. Bills of course and a couple of magazines.

~*~

My fascination with those vacuumed space saver bags is a little worrisome.

~*~

One of my favoritest AbFab bits ever. Bubble on New Year's.

Happy New Year!

Best. Christmas. Song. Ever.

Run DMC's, "Christmas in Hollis."

Merry Christmas!

Here's hoping that you and yours have the merriest of Christmases--without ending up drunk in an alley.

Verklempt

Ashley drew my name for our Secret Santa exchange. She made me this gorgeous collage/painting piece based on one of my poems, "In Transit." I can't wait til after the holidays to get it framed and hanged. It was perfect: unexpected and lovely.

"In Transit"


"In Transit" detail a


"In Transit" detail b


"In Transit" detail c

Pile O' Pressies...Stack O' Stuff Edition

The caption contest is over. Last week was intense--a flurry of writing, rewriting, rejecting and anxiously checking vote totals. Congratulations to Shanna for the fierce final round. Special thanks to CDY and Jacob for the sponsorship. And a bigger especial thanks to those who voted during the whole smackdown.

A quick moment just for Brian who said: "So you are the Jeffrey, not the Santino of Project: Caption."

~*~

The other day my mom wanted to talk about politics--usually not something she does. I'm obviously not always sympathetic to the GOP, and finally neither is my mother. She's a classic old-school conservative: minmal government invasion, low taxes, fiscal responsibility, yadda yadda. She has to vote in the GOP Primary here and is wondering how. But come the general she's definitely voting Democrat. Anyways--we're talking and she says "I'm really drawn to Joe Biden. I don't know why, but I am." Now I don't know if this means she likes his policy positions...or there's some other thing going on. Frankly, I don't want to think of my mom having the hots for him.

~*~

Some time last week I'd started a post going on about how I hadn't gone all crazy for Christmas this year just because I hadn't gone hog wild decorating and turning into the more feminine, less felonious Martha Stewart (that's for you Tommy.)

When I broke it down I realize that yes, yes indeed I had gone a little nuts, again, for Christmas (with my mother's help, we broke up the duties and each tackled specific things.) A quick breakdown of the final goody production:

19 dozen cookies baked
6 lbs of candy
2 quarts of spiced mixed nuts

And 5 stockings made from scratch. We decided to do a Secret Santa this year, but each gift was supposed to be hand-made. I drew Eric, but since I was overcome with holidizzy, I made one for Tommy and Ashley and a couple of others as well (just in case I needed a last minute pressy for someone.)

Eric's Stocking


Ashley's Stocking


Tommy's Stocking

Oh, the Eighties

I wore out a 45 of this song as a tween. It's over the top, self-important, rhetorically flawed...and yet...I can't help singing along when I hear it.

Annie Lennox and Al Green, "Put A Little Love in Your Heart"

OY!

Yesterday was crazy--all sorts of last minute things to do, plus sleep, then a dismally long night at work. I totally forgot to put up one of the xmas vids.

This is Tiny Tim's singular version of "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer." Ukulele and all. It's track 2 on A John Waters Christmas. Not as bad as the Chipmunks' "Sleigh Ride" but not as stirring as Roger Christian's "Little Mary Christmas" or Rita Faye Wilson's "Sleigh Bells, Reindeer and Snow."

But it's creepy.

Gayer Than a Well-Stuffed Stocking

A Classic

Seasons Greetings

Since the photo retrospective of christmas decorations didn't work out, I decided I'd spend the next week posting the christmas tunes I just can't live without each year.

First up is the classic David Bowie, Bing Crosby duet "Little Drummer Boy/Peace On Earth" from the late 70s. Drunk Crosby and Coked out Bowie...what else could more truly capture the season?

'Tis the Season

One of my plans for Yule blogging was to drive around town and get pictures of some of the more notable Christmas displays people do. Usually this town is reliably tacky--there used to be an entire road where everyone threw lights onto any stationary object, it was sort of Christmas cum Outsider Art, but they stopped years ago--but this year, lights-wise it's slim pickings. I don't know if it's because of the cost of electricity or what--but it kills one of my favorite traditions--driving people around and showing friends and newcomers the best of the worst. Even my cousin Pat, whose house is generally done up like Macy's Santaland's bastard cousin, is underdecorated. Best laid plains, yadda yadda.

*

So, while I figure out an alternative to the local front yard "Christmas Town," I'm going to pimp one of my favorite tracks from A John Waters Christmas. "Happy Birthday Jesus" by Little Cindy. This is just startling. An earnest spoken word piece, with some of the funniest lines regarding the birth, life and crucifixion of Christ that you can imagine. More startling? There's actually a YouTube for it. Sadly, embedding has been disabled. But you can check it out here. Seriously, do it. It's worth it. You'll thank me.

Stuff

Things worth reading this morning:

Rebecca's Fashion Corner.
Peter Pereira, Pundit.
Anne Haines asks a damned good question.

And by morning I mean 1:00 pm eastern time when I woke up.

*

Most of my xmas wrapping is done. I'm still waiting on a few things to arrive in the mail and then it's all done. I've tried not to go crazy this year shopping for Brian...but I see random little things and just immediately go all "Shiiiiny" and have to make myself not grab it.

Christmas cards are another beast entirely. Which is pitiful, because I only mail out 6 or 7 a year. I usually buy "Season's Greetings" ones or "Happy Holidays"--something generic that if it gets there between Xmas and New Year's it still fits the bill. This year I committed myself to "Merry Christmas." They must be done tonight and go into the mail tomorrow.

*

What the hell is a "Dirty Santa?" I've been hearing people talk about this a lot lately...when I'm out I eavesdrop. At first I thought it was Dirty Sanchez....and that's what got my attention. Two late-middle-aged ladies with perfectly set salon perms in the wal-mart talking about Dirty Sanchez. Alas, no. But then I've been hearing it more often the last week.

Dreck the Halls

The other night, Eric, T-Shuffle and Shlee and I were sitting around after gorging on cookies, discussing xmas carols and songs we could live without.

There are few things worse than the execrable "Christmas Shoes;" oh, I know there are novelty songs and overwrought renditions of classics foisted on us every yule. But really, this five minute nugget of maudlin crap makes me want to slit my wrists. It's like someone took the plot of a Lifetime movie and set it to music. You can find it here if you're reeeeallly curious. I'm not going to inflict it on anyone.

What's your worst?

Happy Thanksgiving!