Updates, New Yearishness edition

The Baltimore trip was grand--much shopping, much eating, good restful sleep, Brian and presents. It was entirely too short though, the only consolation being I'll be back before hieing North to AWP in just a few weeks.

Macy's at the Marley Station Mall was a treasure trove of oddities: from the multi-jurisdictional, 5 cop search and detention of a guy in the parking lot (hands cuffed behind his back, sitting on the pavement), to the discomfiting mannequins inside (heads and armless torsos that look inspired by Return of the Jedi: a gold stretch and sequined sort of C-3PO cum drag-diva model and a red quilted Imperial Guard number stood out and made me wish I had my camera), and disgruntled German shoppers holding up the Men's Wear Denim Sale line--factor in the fact that I found TWO pairs of jeans on sale that give me an ass (no small feat, let me tell you) and I knew it was going to be a day to remember.

~*~

Working New Year's Eve sucks. Being the only sober person in a bar as the ball drops sucks more. This is the first sober New Year's I've had in almost 18 years. Not sure where that ranks on the pathetic scale.

Drove home this morning into an oncoming storm. If I were a different sort of person, I'd assume this was some sort of metaphor. Thank god I'm not Kate Chopin or one who looks for signs and omens.

~*~

Arrived home to find late Christmas packages from the sibs and their spawn--nothing awful that I have to return this year. Everything is the right size and not hideous. Amazing. Likewise, no acceptances nor rejections--so it's a wash mail-wise. Bills of course and a couple of magazines.

~*~

My fascination with those vacuumed space saver bags is a little worrisome.

~*~

One of my favoritest AbFab bits ever. Bubble on New Year's.

Baltimornin'

Frantic packing tonight, then work, then a morning nap, then off to Baltimore and Brian for a late xmas visit that is going to be too too short. The time crunch is a downer, but it's a chance to see the boy and get a double dip of Christmas; so ultimately it's to the good.

Minimal blogging, if any, until I'm back; unless of course the good folks of Charm City have seasonal Virgin billboards or there's something just too good to pass up.

80 Degrees and Pissy

It's just a week before Halloween and it's almost 80 degrees here in Baltimore. Crazy. I just ran to the grocery store and Lambda Rising in a light shirt, shorts and flip flops, the whole time I'm thinking when is it going to be Fall. Even at home it's been unseasonably warm for the most part.

~*~

I ended up running out for groceries earlier than I'd planned because it was impossible for me to sit on the balcony with my smokes and coffee and work on poems. Not because of the heat, but because some tool (or tools) with a bullhorn were in the park across the street having some sort of demonstration, brain-washing rally or friggin performance art experience. All I could make out was the occasional "God is Love." There are several phrases, but sadly "God is Love" is the only one I can totally make out. Apparently it's all on some sort of tape loop or something because I hear the same phrases over and over. The space between each phrase is punctuated by a blast not unlike a police siren. Given that each phrase is at best 45 seconds long, you can imagine what this is like. Earlier in the morning, about 11 or so I could hear the siren blasts while I was doing the dishes and reading. Sirens aren't uncommon here...but I wondered what the hell was happening that there were so many short ones. It is amazingly loud up here on the 7th floor. Esp. the sirens. As I was walking too and from the grocery I noticed that you couldn't hear it really at a half block away. But out on the balcony...clear as crystal...as a bell...as as as some shit that's perfectly audible and distracting and enough to piss me off. This is one of those moments where I think the First Amendment sucks.

~*~

Went book shopping at Normals Saturday afternoon, after I was in and settled and found some good stuff (sorry Shlee...they had none of the vinyl you wanted.) I got a copy of Charles Wright's Littlefoot for 10 bucks. It looks as though it's not been read at all. Also got Berrigan's Sonnets and an omnibus copy of some of Joe Orton's work. A few other things but nothing really exciting. Just replacing a couple of things. It was a tough shopping process...there was really a lot of things I wanted and I kept picking things up and winnowing down the pile. Better that tho than the alternative of desperately wanting something and finding nothing.

~*~

We went to this great Afghani restaurant just a few blocks from Brian's building for dinner. Beautiful beautiful beautiful food. The restaurant was a little cramped tho and I found myself feeling really squeezed and wanting to leave as soon as possible. Just too much crowd buzz and movement...the restaurant really isn't that large, but I counted about fifteen wait staff buzzing around and weaving in and out of the tables. The service is excellent, really...we got our food quickly, drinks refilled in a timely fashion...they were polite but not smarmy and trying to charm tips from us...just what I appreciate in table service. But...all that movement...the close proximity of other tables...it just got to me. However...I'm going to dream of that lamb soup.

Oh, Craigslist.

Brian found these two gems on Craigslist last night, in the erotic services section. He kindly sent them along.

Who wants to be my Financial Slave??? - w4m - 23

I am a sexy, hot, beautiful young girl who needs her bills paid.

I deserve to have men take care of me, and pay off my credit cards.... so who is ready to step up to the plate??

If you have been a LOSER and someones BITCH all your life, you will love this "job" b/c being my bitch will be that much more fun :)

email me when your'e ready to treat this princess they way she needs to be treated!!!

I'm sure she's scouring a full inbox as we speak.

ONLY THE PASSABLE NEED TO APPLY - m4t - 35

LET PETERWEAT MASSAGE YOR TROUBLES AWAY. I GIVE THE BEST IN MASAAGES AND 4 PLAY JUST GIVE ME A CALL AT [redacted]. AND ASK 4 PETERWEAT. LET ME KNOW IF YOU ARE PASSABLE WHEN CALLING

Peterweat also has pictures available. The one of him in a luchador mask is stunning--but definitely NSW.

More Baltimore Photoblogging

Across Howard Street from Brian's building is this sort of parkish area. When we were out walking around I saw this sculpture there and found it really striking. Usually sculpture doesn't do much for me--I seem to have a hard time relating to three-dimensional space and the way art pieces act within it and upon it...but I digress. I really liked this piece. The inset tile pieces are actually shards of ceramic plates and cups. Above the figure's head are an inset series of shells taken from a necklace. It never occured to me to get a closer picture to show them in situ.

Photo Geekery

The day after I got to B-more, Brian and I went for a walk around his neighborhood, heading up Park Ave to see the house where Fitzgerald wrote Tender is the Night and just to get out for a bit. I saw the above notice posted on another historic house...I can't remember for the life of me why it's significant...but the typo on the public signage amused me.

Why I Love Baltimore

Even the trees aren't safe from graffiti.

Ebirah's Hit Hard Times

Despite his appearance in the 1969 epic, Godzilla vs. the Sea Monster, the giant crab Ebirah never really seemed to take off like some of the other giant monsters. Imagine my chagrin, seeing him reduced to restaurant promotion in the Inner Harbor.

Will busk for food.

No, little princess, I have not seen your twin, nor Mothra.


Brian with crab.

Sadly, the picture of the little boy terrifed of Phillip's Ebirah didn't turn out. I'm going to try photoshopping it this weekend. It's priceless...well..if you're amused by the suffering and tears of children.

Why I Love Baltimore

One more reason to love Charm City. Brian sent me this and it made me smile.

Fresh from the Baltimore Sun.
Check the comments...there's your 28% Mr. Bush. Jeebus. I've heard toy dogs yip and bark that were less shrill.

Rush Limbaugh billboard near I-83 defaced

Official: 'It looks like they took globs of paint and threw it on his face'

(Sun photo by Karl Merton Ferron)
May 10, 2007

Apologia Pro Ipse

Dear Baltimore, thank you for your hospitality.

I realize that making out-of-towners feel at home is sometimes difficult and we are sometimes not particularly gracious guests, so I feel like I should apologize for any of my lapses of tact and decorum during my stay.

To the Manager/Staff of Rite-Aid: I'm sorry that I chased a wet pigeon into your foyer during the snow storm on February 25. I never thought it would dart through the automatic doors.

To the impatient bitch in line at Eddie's Grocery on Eager Street: I realize from your cell phone conversation that you had something else to do and somewhere else you'd rather be. Forgive my temerity for being in line first. I'm sorry that you felt the need to mention that someone was in front of you five times in three minutes. I'm sorry that you need a better haircut and intensive conditioning. God forbid once I was out of your way and you were leaving you might have caught your foot in that hole in the sidewalk and fell on your already flat face.

To the driver of the white rape van on the beltway who cut us off: I'm sorry you didn't see us give you the finger.

To the unintelligible woman asking for directions at Wendy's: I'm sorry we couldn't understand a damned word that came out of your mouth and that caused us to be unhelpful.

To the counter girl at Wendy's: I'm sorry I miscounted and initially gave you $10.10 when I should have given you $11.10. I realize you can't see over the cash register without a step stool, but there's no need to shout.

Rear Window(less)

There's a car that's been parked on Park Avenue for about three or four months that's missing its rear window. Brian told me about it a little over a week ago, describing how snow collected inside. Come spring I think it'll have a lovely bunch of sprouts and starts. I told him we should try and find a packet of wildflower seeds if we run to wal-mart and then broadcast them in the back seat. It's a nice humid environment: I peeked in while we were out today and the floor is swampy. Frankly I'm surprised no one has had it towed yet.

Sunday, Bluh Bluh Sunday

It's been a nice weekend so far. The drive here was a little hairy--freaky winds for about 200 miles of my drive Friday--but I just sucked it up and slowed down. They've taken the infamous Virgin billboard down, though I did notice one while I was on I-395. Still no sign of the alleged Virgin buses. We ordered some cheap chinese and stayed in watching dvds.

I was in such a rush to leave Friday morning I ran out of the house without the bag holding my toiletries, foundation garments, pajamas and black boots. Brian had an extra toothbrush so when we were out shopping I picked up some things. We also caught the Reno: 911! Miami movie. It was okay but both of us prefer the show. It's something we always watch when I visit, it seems. When we first really spent time together we watched it all weekend and just laughed til we were stupid. Brian suggests that the budget limitations for the series makes them a little more inventive--I think he's onto something there. For me it's their interactions with the locals that are the funniest bits...that sort of thing was lacking in the movie. Tho there's a good bit with a Bubba in a red speedo that I found funny...but it still felt underdeveloped. The guys behind the movie claim they shot much more footage than showed up in the movie and that there are plans to use it for the DVD release...I'm curious to see what else they had and didn't use.
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Baltimore is snowy today. Very pretty looking out at the armory, the Meyerhoff symphony center and the rest of the view. We wandered out today to do some light shopping--rite-aid, Lambda Rising and Eddie's grocery store--just as the snow was really starting to stick. It's building up now. Brian snapped some pictures of the view from the balcony--it's very grey out. He's going out later to snap a couple of more pictures of a very special car in the neighborhood.

the Meyerhoff Symphony Center


the Clocktower from across the street


the Armory


the Light Rail

Big Pimpin'

John Waters is pimping his new album at Nerve.com. It's fun and there's one paragraph in particular that I just couldn't let myself post here. And now I know for sure where to visit to perhaps see him.

Someone who didn't give his name writes, "I seem to recall a John Waters quote to the effect that a Puritanical education in Catholic schools was a good thing, and that he was grateful for his own conservative upbringing because it made sex dirty and shameful and therefore more fun."
Well, I sort of said that. I said that being brought up Catholic makes sex better because it will always be dirty. I went to a Catholic high school, Christian Brothers, and it was terrible. They discouraged every interest I had. I wish I had quit school at sixteen. I would have made one more movie. It may be different today, but when I went there, it was the opposite of what's supposed to happen when you go to school. When you go to school, you're supposed to be inspired. It was the opposite. So I certainly am not glad I went to that Catholic school. I mean, I'm not sitting around pissed about it, I don't care, it's over with, but I certainly have never been to a reunion and have no desire to.

That's good. Maybe he'll reconsider. Joe Blevins, again, asks "I admire the way you've diversified your career over the years, and are now a director, writer, actor, commentator and artist. Do you have any plans to diversify further, perhaps trying your hand at documentary filmmaking or prose fiction?"
Tell him thank you. A novel would be the hardest thing ever that I secretly would like to try one day. I just got a job offer to be a disc jockey. That's a new one. I'll never believe that you can have too many careers. When one isn't working you can go to the other one. So, who knows? I would like to write a novel. A documentary? Actually, all my films are documentaries, if you've ever been to Baltimore.

"What dictates the level of shock value you're going to reach in your filmmaking process? Is it cultural, is it financial? Do you just need to take an artistic shower sometimes?"
Well, shock value was never the main thing I was trying for. I was trying to make you laugh at your ability to be shocked by anything. And Pink Flamingos was made the year pornography became legal. It was the end of the '60s. It was a joke! What is illegal anymore? What can't you have? I never tried to top that. And if I had, I think I wouldn't be working today. I think you have to constantly reinvent yourself, and the thing that I'm proudest of is when I go to a signing, the average age is twenty-five. They weren't even born when I made those movies. I'm very proud that I have been able, each decade, to cross over into a new audience. If you stay doing the same thing, you can't do that.

A reader named "disunstrung" asks, "From what you've seen, is Baltimore still as trashy as it's ever been, and what other U.S. cities do you see as up-and-coming as far as trashiness is concerned?"
Well, I think the Baltimore that they're speaking of, and the one I make my films about, is vanishing, as it is everywhere. I mean, real-estate porn is in Baltimore, yuppies have moved here — which is good for the city. And there are still neighborhoods here that are still pretty amazing, that inspire me. But it is probably vanishing. Another city that I think. . . I think Philadelphia is pretty good that way. Philadelphia would be the closest to Baltimore in some ways. I always think of MOVE, an organization that I'm still fascinated by.

Nerve also has a link to an interview done while JW was promoting A Dirty Shame. It's worth a read.

Update: Amazon.com has a quickie video bit of JW talking about his album.

I've Got to Have This

Usually, I just end up sending the little automatic emails from Amazon in the trash. Rarely do I get info about something I'd actually really buy. But today, today was a good day.

I've known about this for a couple months now, thanks to Eric. He hooked me up with the stellar A John Waters Christmas and I cannot wait to get my grubby little paws on this. I love the cover art: the flipped collar, the red work pastoral backdrop, that disco-era pink marquee lettering.

According to the Amazon.com promo blurb, the selections on A Date are "all romantic seduction music I would play if I had you over."

There are no media player snippets available for preview yet, but the track list looks fantastic.

1. Tonight You Belong to Me - Patience and Prudence

2. Jet Boy Jet Girl - Elton Motello

3. Ain't Got No Home - Clarence "Frogman" Henry

4. I'd Love to Take Orders from You - Mildred Bailey,

5. In Spite of Ourselves - Iris DeMent, John Prine

6. All I Can Do Is Cry - Ike Turner, Tina Turner

7. Big Girls Don't Cry - Edith Massey

8. Imitation of Life - Earl Grant

9. Sometimes I Wish I Had a Gun - Mink Stole

10. Johnny Are You Queer? - Josie Cotton

11. Night Time is the Right Time

12. Hit the Road to Dreamland - Dean Martin

13. If I Knew You Were Comin' I'd've Baked a Cake - Eileen Barton,

14. Bewildered - Shirley & Lee

I've heard the Edith Massey cover of "Big Girls Don't Cry," it defies description; I'm hoping Mink Stole's "Sometimes I Wish I Had a Gun" delivers as well.

In related news, CourTV (those bastids) have not aired the "'Til Death Do Us Part" series yet; there's no upcoming airdate listed or any info regarding the series' status. Despite the fact that they've posted a press release about the show.

Used Bookstores

While I was in Baltimore, Brian used the Google to find used bookstores and came across this great store called Normals. It's packed to bursting with used books and LPS. Great prices, too. There was a lot of stuff there I wanted, but I reined myself in and bought just a few things. For Love is the first one I've cracked. I started it just before bed last night. I love the preface and thought I'd post it here. It speaks to a lot of the things I've been thinking about lately.

Wherever it is one stumbles (to get to wherever) at least some way will exist, so to speak, as and when a man takes this or that step—for which, god bless him. Insofar as these poems are such places, always they were ones stumbled into: warmth for a night perhaps, the misdirected intention come right; and too, a sudden instance of love, and the being loved, wherewith a man also contrives a world (of his own mind).

It seems to me, now, that I know less of these poems than will a reader, at least the reader for whom—if I write for anyone—I have written. How much I should like to please! It is a constant concern.

That is, however, hopeful and pompous, and not altogether true. I write poems because it pleases me, very much—I think that is true. In any case, we live as we can, each day another—there is no use in counting. Nor more, say, to live than what there is, to live. I want the poem as close to this fact as I can bring it; or it, me.

Charm City Comedown

I just got back from Baltimore after a nine-day stay with the boyfriend. I have a curious affection for Baltimore, one that I still don't understand completely. Sure, I love John Waters, SpankRock, crabcakes and the occassional bit from Anne Tyler. Sure, I don't quite get the "Believe" ad campaign--it reminds me too too much of the Elton John single and video from the mid-90s, but THIS ad campaign, I get...I just don't think it works the way the designers wanted it to. As a disclaimer--this is NOT the same billboard I saw for the past nine days from Brian's apartment and balcony while smoking. That billboard is at the juncture of a couple of streets, about 5 or so blocks from Brian's building. At JUST the right height for his apartment. It was inescapable. I could see it from the kitchen, I could see it from the couch. I couldn't get a decent image of it with my crappy camera phone; this pic was the only image I found on the tubes. Obviously, you can read the big "Virgin" with no problem. Underneath it, in a nice serif font it says "Tell Your Kids It's Not A Dirty Word." Treacley as this message is, my big problem is the "Virgin" design element. Yea, I get it--it's "graffiti." How urban, how street. How like a bloodstain on a sheet. I mean really--did they think this particular shade of red was effective? There's also apparently a bus version. I was highly disappointed that I never got to see one of those while in town. Maybe next time.