Why I'll Never be a Willa Cather Heroine

It occurred to me today, sometime after I got onto I-68, outside Hancock, Maryland that I would have never cut it as a pioneer. I could see the Sideling Hill attraction looming in the distance, snowy and grey. And I dreaded the ascent and subsequent descent. This continued for the rest of the mountains through most of western Maryland. I thought it over and over: you would've never cut it in a wagon train. Today is not the first time that this thought has crossed my mind. I hate hate hate driving over the mountains. I'm not sure why, either. I live in West Virginia for cryin' out loud. But the mountains on I-68 just bother me for some reason. It may be because there are instances when I can see beyond the berms of the interstate and realize just how friggin' high up I am. It could be the steepness or the way the road surface is banked in places. It could be that my ears pop frequently. It could be that I drive a subcompact and I fear for my safety because of the barrelling semis and assorted jackasses that share the road. It could also be as simple as I'm getting old and fearful.

I like to drive. I don't mind driving in cities or places I've never been. Give me a rough map and some idea of what to look for and I'm fine. But that fact, in and of itself, shows my lack of pioneering, adventuresome spirit. I don't mind going if I have even the roughest idea of where. But just set me out on my own or with someone who has a rough idea of where we're headed and I'm screwed--things clench and I feel anxiety attacks comin' on.

Usually the anxiety at some point abates and I'm fine. It seems to be the anticipation that gets me: my imagination and ability to spin out a worst-case scenario are massive--once I'm at the point I feared, in the middle of it, I'm fine. I eventually found myself thinking of other things: why there are so many christian radio stations in western Maryland (not just Protestant/Evangelical, but Catholic); is there any other state with such a state police presence on the roads as Maryland; what is it about Arby's hash browns that do such horrible things to my stomach.

I can manage travelling in a car provided I have cigarettes, distractions, cheap coffee and frequent bathroom breaks. But had you plopped my ass on a covered wagon and expected me to navigate west, I'd have slapped you stupid and stayed put.

Sunday, Bluh Bluh Sunday

It's been a nice weekend so far. The drive here was a little hairy--freaky winds for about 200 miles of my drive Friday--but I just sucked it up and slowed down. They've taken the infamous Virgin billboard down, though I did notice one while I was on I-395. Still no sign of the alleged Virgin buses. We ordered some cheap chinese and stayed in watching dvds.

I was in such a rush to leave Friday morning I ran out of the house without the bag holding my toiletries, foundation garments, pajamas and black boots. Brian had an extra toothbrush so when we were out shopping I picked up some things. We also caught the Reno: 911! Miami movie. It was okay but both of us prefer the show. It's something we always watch when I visit, it seems. When we first really spent time together we watched it all weekend and just laughed til we were stupid. Brian suggests that the budget limitations for the series makes them a little more inventive--I think he's onto something there. For me it's their interactions with the locals that are the funniest bits...that sort of thing was lacking in the movie. Tho there's a good bit with a Bubba in a red speedo that I found funny...but it still felt underdeveloped. The guys behind the movie claim they shot much more footage than showed up in the movie and that there are plans to use it for the DVD release...I'm curious to see what else they had and didn't use.
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Baltimore is snowy today. Very pretty looking out at the armory, the Meyerhoff symphony center and the rest of the view. We wandered out today to do some light shopping--rite-aid, Lambda Rising and Eddie's grocery store--just as the snow was really starting to stick. It's building up now. Brian snapped some pictures of the view from the balcony--it's very grey out. He's going out later to snap a couple of more pictures of a very special car in the neighborhood.

the Meyerhoff Symphony Center


the Clocktower from across the street


the Armory


the Light Rail

Little Things

It's still snowing but the forecasts say it's supposed to warm up by the end of the week. Yay. Hopefully it will so I can go to Baltimore and see Brian. It's been about six weeks since we've seen each other which is a little depressing. We talk on the phone a couple times a day and keep in touch via ims, but we knew early on that winter would be tough for travel. So I'm hoping there's not some unexpected front or pressure system or some such thing that will throw off this plan.

The starlings are out in full company at the feeders. This is distressing. They're hideous vile creatures. There are about a dozen there now, fighting over the suet feeder and the seed, running off the others. At one point there were about 4 or 5 hanging from the suet feeder rocking it back and forth as they fought over the cake.

I'm going to sew some seed this week before I leave for this year's garden: Cleome, Amaranthus, and Four O'Clocks. I've been very good about not digging into my nursery catalogs. I need to really get everything straightened up and thriving this year before I do any major additions. And catalogs are my downfall--I see plants and I want them and I put off the stuff that needs doing right now. I'll hit the local nurseries this year and get plants that'll fill in and beef up what's already there. But not much else except some annuals for the herb garden. I still have two dozen bee balm rootsets to put out that I didn't get to in the fall. But it'll get done.

For now, I just look at my hibiscus pink hula girl bic and feel happy. How can you not feel better with such a thing at hand?