Charm Free

I got caught up this afternoon on the last couple of Project Runway episodes. Every week I find myself wanting to hunt down Tim Gunn and assault him for that line in the first episode about the breadth and depth of talent in this pack of competitors. Horse hocky.

I can understand the production company wanting to steer away from persona heavy drama this season--rather like Top Chef did this past season. Give us strong creative people with points-of-view and let their work speak for itself. Fine--it's a good idea. In Top Chef's case it worked this season. So far, for me anyway, Project Runway is falling flat . Except for Christian and crazy Elise, these people seem to need drugs or serious personality implants. Ok--Victorya is a passive aggressive bitch but that's not personality and it's not why I hate her (her first two outfits are all the reason I need. Metallics and coordinating flower/bow/knot things...gag. If you can get to a Steve & Barry's and see her winning design for the Sarah Jessica Parker challenge do it. It looks like a burlap sack raped a painter's smock. Hidjeous. The racer back vest is almost cute. Almost. But there's maybe 5 people in the western hemisphere it would look good on.) Ultimately though it's the sheer boring clothes that makes me stop part-way through and think "Why am I watching this again?" I can't remember from week to week who did what. There's no fear of Nina or Kors going off on clothes being too editorial. It's all safe middle-of-the-road bleh.

Tune In

To Spike TV Sunday Night at 9:00 pm for the first episode of the new series The Kill Point. They filmed in Pittsburgh and my friend Minda is an extra...no idea how much screen time she gets but I'm hoping to see her in her kick-ass FBI togs.

The show's directed by Steven Shill who, according to his IMDB bio, has done episodes of Rome, The Sopranos, Big Love, Dexter, Deadwood, The Wire and Carnivale for the cable nets. He's also done some (less impressive) network stuff. I'm wondering where this series will fall in terms of style, substance and production values..I'm sort of hoping that Spike's going for a series more akin to The Shield rather than Blade.

(Un)Intentional Irony (?)

While trying to fall asleep the other night I was flipping channels and came across the new Botox ad. It uses the song "Express Yourself" as the theme and then doubles up using "Express Yourself" as the slogan.

Uuuuummmmk.

ProFormative 2

Chales Nelson Reilly died.

That makes me sad. He was a fixture of my childhood--I loved him on Lidsville--and one of the most visible gay men on telly in the 70s. I loved game shows as a young'un--Match Game, Hollywood Squares, and The Gong Show were particular favorites. I didn't get the jokes, I never had an inkling why I liked CNR, Paul Lynde, Waylon Flowers and Madame or Jaye P. Morgan so much, but I did. I didn't enjoy those shows nearly as much when they weren't on the panels. Would anyone in their right mind prefer George Gobel or Kitty Carlisle?

When I was in grad school I was always threatening to write a series of essays about the gaying of America through game shows. I didn't recognize the panelists as gay (or myself at the time--I was barely in grade school) but I recognized that they were different and it appealed to me in a deep way. I could do without some of the camp trappings, I'll just chalk that up to a generational difference, but fundamentally they informed my sense of humor and my ideas of what's funny.

I think I'm going to check the Game Show Network and see if Match Game is on.

Junk Drawer

Last night I woke up about 2:30 and couldn't get back to sleep. Flipped through channels trying to find anything that might be watchable. VH-1 Classic had a Siouxsie and the Banshees video. I enjoyed it, but it seemed to unsettle the cats. Click. Switched to the menu function to see if there was anything that caught my eye. FMC was showing The Gay Deception. That almost seemed promising...but instead it's some movie from 1935 about a woman who comes into a lot of money; not about Ted Haggard or others like him. No Star Trek or any National Geographic or History Channel documentaries that I wanted to watch. So I ended up on MSNBC watching Alexandra Pelosi's (daughter of "San Francisco Liberal Values" Speaker of the House Nancy (who happens to have a street near the Inner Harbor in Baltimore named for her)) Journeys With George, her documentary about travelling with W. during the 2000 election. It was startling in a lot of ways. I reccomend it, though sometimes I found myself getting pissy and flipping back to music videos.

I finally saw the Beyonce & Shakira video. Amazing how effortless it seems for Shakira to be sexy and in control of her own body. Beyonce just worked so hard. Even with a wind machine blowing her to hell and back she didn't pull it off. If she screws like she dances I pity Jay Z--especially if that's her "sexy" face. I need the Shakira album.

At some point I fell asleep. Dreamed (twice !) about being at a prom-like function. I wasn't in formal wear but a blazer, a baggy madras plaid shirt, slacks and (big gay inhale) sandals! I kept running into the daughter of a former coworker and said the same thing each time: "I haven't seen you in ages." She had on too much eyeliner (which only accentuates her lazy eye) and a fuschia sequined gown with assymetrical shoulders. The left shoulder was a mass of dyed-to-match maribou and feathers. It resembled nothing so much as tumorous cotton candy.

~*~

My thighs hurt like hell. It's deceptively sunny out. Chilly. This is just not cricket. Sunny means warm, dammit.

~*~

Poems have been coming but then stalling out about 8 lines in. I'm leaving them in the cannibal file and hoping that I can go back and work with them. They feel promising when I'm drafting but aside from the initial flash, there's nothing. Distressing.

Eye Patches

I caught part of Kill Bill Vol. II on TNT last night--the throwdown between Uma and Darryl specifically--and it got me to thinking: Why aren't more women in pop culture wearing eye patches? They're definitely attention-grabbing. Which then got me to thinking about my favorite women with eye patches in pop culture.

Honorable (Androgynous) Mentions:

PeteBurns, Dead or Alive

Ziggy Stardust era David Bowie

The Women in Question

Callisto from Marvel Comics' X-Men

Angelina Jolie, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow

Wendy Robie as Nadine Hurly from Twin Peaks

Stockard Channing as Ruby McNutt in Smoke

Darryl Hannah as Elle Driver in Kill Bill Vol 1

Sundries & Notions

Hallelujah for prescription meds. They seem to be doing the trick. I can sit up for more than an hour without feeling like my chest is tightening and can talk for about 10 minutes without needing to cough. The taste of the inhalant however, leaves something to be desired.

***

Ever since I was treated for anxiety/panic attacks a few years ago I have been very careful and perhaps, overly cautious, about taking certain meds. One of the things I had to work out then were what exactly triggered the attacks so I could, whenever possible, avoid them. One of the ones that almost always set me off were decongestants or products containing diphenhydramine.

They seemed to work too well, completely drying out my sinuses, my mouth, reaching back to the throat where it felt as if it were constricting because of the dryness. This has made dealing with headcolds and the like a little difficult, because I'd rather deal with blowing my nose a dozen times an hour or a nasal drip problem than living through a panic. So when I read the included pamphlets for my meds, the list of side effects for the inhaler (accelerated heart rate, dry mouth) made me a little nervous, but I went ahead and did it. It does give me a whopping case of dry mouth for the first half hour and makes me a little hyper for a couple of hours after dosing but it does help with the shallow breathing.

***

'Til Death Do Us Part has potential. The second episode was better than the first, though the Mink Stole cameo and denoument of the first were funnier. I read a review somewhere that said the show wasn't quite over the top and broad enough. And I sort of agree--because of the needs to compress a narrative into a thirty minute block, certain scenes and beats feel a little too sketchy and short hand. The show feels more like an old Alfred Hitchcock Presents episode, especially with the John Waters character bookending the story, than anything. I'm disappointed that there's not more of him in the episodes--but understand the probable reasons for it.

Gleeful

'Til Death Do Us Part premieres tonight on CourtTV at 10 pm with another episode following.

I can't wait.

When I Grow Up...

I wanna be Patti Smith. I watched the 2007 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame thing on VH-1 last night because I wanted to see her, Grandmaster Flash and the Furious Five, REM and the Ronnettes. I hit mute during most of the speechifying and Van Halen. Even thought it was cool to see REM as a four-piece again, their set didn't move me too much (which was a little disappointing, cause I love a lot of their music.)

But Patti was solid. Her acceptance speech was pretty low-key--she made a point of saying that she'd promised to be a lady and not curse which she lived up to and dedicated her award/induction to her late husband Fred. Yea, she sang "Because the Night," but followed that up with "Rock-n-Roll N*****." A better choice, I suppose, than "Gloria" or "Summer Cannibals" or a rock poet reading of "Piss Factory."

The finale was suitably schizoid given the inductees: Smith, REM, Grandmaster Flash, Van Hagar, the Ronettes and Keith Richards doing Smith's "People Have the Power." Given the climate of the times, a better choice than "Right Now," "Hot for Teacher," or "Shiny Happy People." (Though "World Leader Pretend" might have been good.)

Finally...

According to the most recent issue of Spin, CourtTV's 'Til Death Do Us Part will begin airing March 19. With Waters and the bridezilla herself as part of the CourtTV family I want to revamp my dream roundtable: Waters, Star and Nancy Grace. Mmmmmm...bitchlicious.

Dribs and Drabs

*Winter is proving to be more persistent than a case of herpes. It's flared up again and there's more snow and craptastic weather. Huzzah.

*I've finished a new poem a little while ago...it needs a title. This strikes me as being much preferable to my usual state: having a title but an incomplete/unsatisfying poem. It's going into a file for a bit so I can revise.

*Brian has adopted a kitten from the Baltimore SPCA. It is gray and white and suitably adorable. I would like my complimentary toaster now for sucking him into the cat people cult. Thank you. You'll be a good cat daddy, I promise.

*Jessica Simpson, apparently, is allergic to cheese (don't ask me why a Google search today lead there). I'm late hearing about this. It disappoints me. There would have been much snark potential had I known earlier when I was incredibly cranky.

*Bjork's Post album makes me unbearably happy.

*Since I was in Baltimore I've been dreaming again.

*DirectTV has started airing the CHILLER channel, specializing in thriller/horror programming. They're airing Twin Peaks. I love the show. It went off the rails in the second season when a mannered quirkiness outweighed menace and unsurety but the first season is solid; it unnerves and inspires me.

*Why do I hate so many famous people from Texas?

*Michael Jackson is the most expensive whore in the world.

*The Arcade Fire have a new album out. I want it. Now.

*I desperately need a haircut. I'm calling tomorrow.

Nerdvana

More Grammy Madness...

Ok--I realized after checking out my notes from last night's show that I missed some things. The medley of Eagles' songs by Rascal Fatts (yes I know it's Flatts) but jesus--you get a gander at that lead singer. He reminds me of this hideous drag queen I knew of in grad school. Or a girl's volleyball coach doing karaoke after one too many kamikazees. Did we need to see him air guitar during that excrutiating take on "Hotel California"? Well, at least he wasn't singing during the guitar solos. The only thing worse than listening to Don Henley and the Eagles is listening to earnest cover versions.

Note to Lady Miss Carrie: Jesus Take the Low Notes. I'm hoping you were just over-awed by the bedazzled leathry sadness beside you...but I doubt it.

Why did they spend so much time on Don Henley while James Brown got short shrift? I'm not dissing Christina--seriously, bitch killed. There were so many people in that audience who owed the Godfather an artistic debt, that it's a shame. If nothing else it would've given us some uptempo performances. It just seems a lack of perspective. Without James Brown we wouldn't have funk or rap. Without Don Henley--well, I'd be happier.

The Grammys

Some random notes on the 49th Grammy Awards.

Jamie Foxx--you're not as funny as you think you are...and the people in Ohio don't need that translated.

I now know what the bottom's perspective during missionary sex with Justin Timberlake is...ew. Trim your nose hair.

Beyonce--white flowers in your hair do not make you Billie Holiday. They don't even make you Diana Ross in Lady Sings the Blues.

James Blunt--Damien Rice has a new album. Go away now.

Fergie--Mary J. does not want you to hold her. But I bet you tinkled a little when you got to touch her.

Imogen Heap, Natalie Cole and Fergie all thought it was the 49th Annual Tranny Awards.

They should've gone all the way and made C-Lo Green look like Idi Amin. Forest Whitaker and Uganda would be juiced.

Xtina killed "It's a Man's World."

Mary J. took us to church again. Has she had a bad live Grammy's performance yet?

Fuck Nashville. Fuck jingoistic coun'ry music fans.

If Al Gore does run in 08 he's gonna have to explain hugging a bunch of ex-junkies.

On a personal note, I was thrilled to see "Jesus Take the Wheel" win a Grammy. I was also happy to see Lionel Ritchie sing "Hello." Now if the Police had only done "Every Breath You Take."

Because It's Sunday

A little taste of public access religiosity.

They're Not Diapers, they're MAGS

Maximum Absorption GarmentS.

I guess that's more technical and euphemistic than NASA Nappies.

And now, courtesy of Jossip, a rundown of the cable news takes on Lisa Marie Nowak.

“A brand-new mallet and a four-inch-long buck knife? You can`t really go anywhere these days without a buck knife and a brand-new mallet. Must have.” Nancy Grace, revealing what's in her purse, Nancy Grace

• “But I have to say this. If you`re headed to find your boyfriend`s girlfriend and you`re wearing a diaper, he`s just not that into you.” Greg Behrendt, on what turns guys off, Nancy Grace

• “I think that unless there is a medical reason for you to be wearing [diapers], if you are wearing them, you are enjoying it. I mean, let‘s be honest.” Tucker Carlson, justifying his love of Depends, Tucker

• “No, we‘ve even poked around on that a little bit. And certainly the NASA people have their own specially-made, government-issued astronaut gear for this purpose. But we don‘t know whether that was what they used for this, or whether it was just over the counter, typical gear you could get at, say, Target.” John Kelly, proving he knows way too much about adult diapers, Countdown

News of the Obvious

Is it fall 2002 all over again? Vanity Fair thinks so.

Rupert Murdoch, propagandist?

In space, no one can hear you cream...

NASA thinks they need to change things.

Space Cadet lauded as "a good role model for our daughters."

W. Winning hearts, winning minds.

Condi Rice, nice shoes: still incompetent. And what doe she have against cunning linguists?

A Bush involved with something illegal?

The Dirtiest Jehovah's Witness in the Western World

Apparently the New York Times spoke too soon. Now we have "Priapic Silhouette-Gate."

This is Prince we're talking about. He's the dirtiest Jehovah's Witness in this hemisphere
who's not named Jackson.

This is a man who wrote a song called "Pussy Control." Who sang: "now move your big ass round this way so I can work on that zipper, baby;" about a woman with used Trojans in her pockets; about Darling Nikki and her magazine; a song called "Sexy Motherfucker." Who managed to turn Sheena Easton into a moist ho with the song "Sugar Walls."

And they wonder if this image is intentional.

No word yet if Heather Wilson (R-NM) cried.

Maybe He Didn't Try Hard Enough

It took Pastor Ted 3 whole weeks to go from meth crazed butt lover to "completely heterosexual."
(Sidenote: I hit the story through Digg and the top paid link was "I Cured My Genital Warts.")

I have a feeling that his reprogramming was something like this, although I'd love it were it more like this.

Drivin' and Cryin--The Astronut's Playlist.

Here are the top 40 tracks for Astronut Lisa Nowak's drive from Houston to Orlando International Airport. She had to do something to pass the time and talking herself down certainly wasn't an option.

1. Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car—Billy Ocean
2. Every Breath You Take—The Police.
3. Obsession—Animotion
4. Jolene—Dolly Parton
5. To Make You Feel My Love—Garth Brooks
6. The More You Ignore Me (the Closer I Get)—Morrisey
7. I Drove All Night—Cyndi Lauper
8. You Belong to Me—Bob Dylan
9. She’s Got You—Patsy Cline
10. He’s Just My Bill—Oliver! Original Cast Recording
11. Can’t Get Next to You—the Temptations
12. One Way or Another—Blondie
13. 500 Miles—the Proclaimers
14. Who’s That Girl—Eurythmics
15. Behind the Wheel—Depeche Mode
16. Creep—Radiohead
17. ’97 Bonnie and Clyde—Tori Amos (Eminem cover)
    
18. Crazy in Love—Beyonce
19. Tiny Cities Made of Ashes (Live at the BBC)—Modest Mouse
20. Number 1 Crush—Garbage
21. Are You Lonesome Tonight?—Elvis Presley
    
22. Take Me Out—Franz Ferdinand
23. Always on My Mind—Willie Nelson
24. If I Had a Hammer—Peter Paul and Mary
25. You Oughta Know—Alanis Morrisette
26. In Your Eyes—Peter Gabriel
    
27. I Want You—Maddona w/Massive Attack (Marvin Gaye cover)
28. Sour Times—Portishead
29. Are You Gonna Go My Way—Lenny Kravitz
30. Closer—Nine Inch Nails
31. Livin’ La Vida Loca—Ricky Martin
32. Six Days on the Road—Sawyer Brown
33. I Wanna Come Over—Melissa Etheridge
34. Lovefool—the Cardigans
35. Jesus Take the Wheel—Carrie Underwood
36. Hopelessly Devoted to You—Olivia Newton John
37. I’ve Got My Mind Set on You—George Harrison
38. Drivin'—The Kinks
39. Does He Love You (Like He Loves Me)?—Reba McEntire
40. Hello—Lionel Richie