Highly intoxicated and dissatisfied with her sex life, a 28-year-old woman was arrested Tuesday for stealing her husband's wallet and later assaulting the deputy who booked her into jail.
The meltdown, which deputies witnessed along with the couple's 3- and 4-year-old children, started when the husband, 24, had told his wife they had three hours to quit smoking, drinking, swearing and engaging in some sex acts because "they were going to be good Christians now," the woman said.
The man said she had woken him up to have relations, but then became disappointed and angry.
How dissapointed and angry? This disappointed and angry:
When deputies arrived, the woman denied any assault had taken place, and repeatedly, without sparing a vulgar euphemism, told the deputies about how unsatisfied she was with her sex life — some of the time carrying around a half-gallon of whiskey while doing so.
During an argument with one of the deputies, the woman picked up the family's 20-pound dog and threw it at the deputy, who caught it, the report said.
I love that: without sparing a vulgar euphemism.
But she wasn't done for the night:
The deputies convinced the couple to separate for the night, and the man said he was taking their children to a hotel. But the 28-year-old returned to the apartment and took her husband's wallet, military identification card and keys.
The woman resisted being arrested for theft — her screams were described as "blood-curdling" by one of the deputies. The deputy who drove the woman to jail reported she questioned his manhood, asked God to forgive him because "he knows not what he does," and "donkey-kicked" him in the shin while he attempted to walk her from his patrol car to the jail, reports said.
She was booked for second-degree theft and third-degree assault.