Blargh

Drizzly today and chilly-ish. The sort of day that's perfect for napping and reading and lounging with coffee. I at least have coffee. On the up-side, I get to use a pressure washer later today. My inner butch is singing.

~*~

I've been revising and rethinking old and newer poems like crazy since I got back from LA...well once the jet lag and exhaustion lifted. It's been a much different process...for the first time in years revising has been as pleasurable as writing the first draft of something. Plus I've started a few new drafts.

Drifts

This yo-yo weather is insane. Back in the 20s today, five or so inches of snow. I want it to be spring. All the nursery and gardening catalogs have been pouring in and it's like porn.

~*~

Four packets of poems out in the mail over the last couple of days. Not a sim sub in the bunch. That feels good. I've worked so slowly the last year that this recent burst of poeminess gives me more options and a cushion to rely on.

The chapbook is essentially done and has been sent out to a crack team of fresh eyes. My only worry is they'll hate it.

Still getting about a poem a week, not nearly as crazy as a few weeks ago when it was a poem every couple of days. I can manage this. And the poems look/feel/move differently. Tons of quatrains in tetrameter. Who knew. I usually hate tetrameter.

Jack Frost Nipping at My Nads

2 degrees at about 7am. That's not counting the wind chill.

~*~

My robe began coming apart at the seams. Being intrepid...and perhaps a bit nuts...I took it apart and used it as a template for a new one. That's how I spent my weekend...sewing a robe.

~*~

I hate to fly. Back when I did fly (rarely) I'd pop a diazepam and have some drinks just so I wouldn't claw my way out of my own skin. My plan for AWP was to drive to Baltimore and take the Amtrak commuter line up to NYC and back after the conference. Brian's apt is conveniently close the station. There were a few nervous days last week when he pointed out that there might be an Amtrak strike at the end of the month. Luckily this has been diverted. I can proceed as scheduled...this makes me unutterably happy.

~*~

Collin asked about my shoes in an earlier comment so here they are. The last pair is not exactly right...the detailing on mine is a natural/beige seude with just a hint of burgundy stitching.

Skechers Angelino

Skechers Crusades

Kenneth Cole Unlisted, Updated Square-Toe


Skechers...Mystery shoe.

WA-FUG?

It is now exactly two weeks until Xmas and it's supposed to be 65 degrees and cloudy here.

Driven

I am hyper-reactive...I know this. Prone to panics, to fits of pique, to fly off the handle and to want to crush you like a bug if you cross me or one I love. That character flaw is why I'm so driven to maintain stability.

Why even when I was porking up on prozac and gorging on butter and cream I didn't care, because I felt even. Because the jackhammer heart slowed; the vomitting stopped; the urticaria stopped.

Tonight, driving to work, for the first time in years, I felt that out-of-control, beyond-my-control, instability. The roads were wretched, a good 1/2 inch of ice, frosted with snow. No sign of center line. Uneven and rutty. Truly, truly, wretched. I never went above 30 mph and tried to touch my brake as little as possible. By the time I got to work and turned off the ignition, my hands shook in that old panic attack way. Almost like palsy. The body resisting its own stability. All I could do was sit until it passed. I made a quick call to let folks know I made it safely. I let the cold seep in.

Snow

We've gotten our first real snow here yesterday. Lovely little fluffy white snow... covering a layer of ice. We got more over night and it's still snowing intermittently now. Schools are closed today, releasing early, the whole nine.

I ran around yesterday morning doing errands, buy catfood, run to the bank, blah-dee-blah-dee-blah. No biggie. Trying to go through the bank drive through, I noticed one side was closed. So I decide I'll just do a u turn an it should be fine, I can get back into the open side, deposit the money, get on my way. As I'm about to enter the street, I apply my brakes. I don't stop, I just slide. A Head Start school bus is passing directly in front of me, I'm still sliding. It feels like I'm going to push through the floorboard trying to get the brakes to engage enough to stop me. Finally, once the burning brake smell wafted up, the car stopped. About 4 inches from the street. The tail end of the bus had just gone past.

Drudgery Report

Brian told me last night I needed to post something here since it's been several days. Alas, the boy's right. There's just not much to write about. Usual round of things: gardening, reading, trying to write, etc etc etc.

~*~

It's the damnedest thing, really. It's fall now, we've had the equinox and everything, but it's still pushing 90 degrees here. Leaves are coloring and crisping and littering the yard but it's still frigging hot. Crazy. I want it to be autumn. I want to wear sweaters, cook soups and stews (but no those hideous Rachel Ray "stoup" things.)

~*~

It appears as though I'm tapped to read again next month, this time in concert with my friend Eric. I need to haul ass and get these new poems worked up.

~*~

My friend Minda sent me this list of "real life plot twists of famous authors" from Mental Floss. It's not a bad diversion. Some of them I knew, some I didn't think were necessarily "twistish" but some are gold.

2. Horatio Alger, Jr.

Apparently, the author of more than 120 "rags-to-riches" books featuring hard-working, highly moral young heroes was also an admitted pederast.

Before finding success as an author, Alger was a minister at a Unitarian Church in Brewster, Massachusetts, where he was accused of sexually assaulting two young boys. Alger admitted his guilt, but left town before the news hit the street.

Later, he wound up in New York City, where he penned hundreds of best-selling books for and about young boys, which went on to grace the shelves of homes, schools and church libraries across America.

Make it stop

Sweet Lord...when will this heat end. Last night it was 75 degrees, dewpoint of 74 and humidity at 96%. 96%! It felt like it was almost 100 degrees in the house.

Too Darn Hot

In honor of the swelter I give you one of the stranger (which is saying something) covers of a Cole Porter tune from the Red Hot and Blue CD. Erasure doing, "It's Too Darn Hot."

Run for Cover

It's getting colder. Blech. Apparently we're in for about five days of cold and ick. I went around and covered as many of the young plants and fresh growth as I could. Hopefully things won't be too badly damaged. It's a shame because the lungwort, bleeding hearts and trilliums in the shade bed are doing beautifully so far.

B-A-N-A-N-A-S

Late winter and early spring are always wonky weatherwise...I know this. But the last few days here have been exemplary of that sort of meteorological crazy. Wednesday: 70ish degrees, warm and balmy. Wednesday night: thunder and lightning and a hail storm. Some of the biggest hail I've seen. No golf ball sized chunks...but at least 1/2". Thursday: Rain. Friday: More rain, some limited low level flooding and the ditches overflowing. Later in the day: snow. The water and weird weather interfered with phone service something crazy. Today: prolly 4-5" of snow. At least it's deep enough to cover the damage the hail did to the crocuses and plants. That depressed me. Tomorrow will bring...?

Spring is sprung, the grass is ris...

I sewed a bunch of seeds earlier this week and am jazzed that some have already germinated. I've managed to do pretty well the past few years growing tomatoes and herbs from seeds so I decided to really try this year to do it with flowers and do it right. Just to be safe I made sure I kept some reserve seeds in the fridge to plant later. So far the amaranthus 'hot biscuit,' the bells of ireland, and a couple of four o'clocks are all sprouting. The cleome is being stubborn but it just might take a little longer. I don't mind planting annuals as long as they reseed--and from what I've read these varieties are all reliable reseeders. I'd love to get some nicotiana varieties, but despite my best efforts the last six or seven years, I've never been able to get them to thrive. In a couple of weeks I'm going to do the tomatoes because I honestly never plant them until the end of May or early June, so a later sewing should prevent them being leggy.

It's been lovely here today--warm with a light wind. So nice after the mud and rain and snow. If it's still nice tomorrow I'm determined to get out and deadhead, weed, and get things ready to go for late spring planting..

Dribs and Drabs

*Winter is proving to be more persistent than a case of herpes. It's flared up again and there's more snow and craptastic weather. Huzzah.

*I've finished a new poem a little while ago...it needs a title. This strikes me as being much preferable to my usual state: having a title but an incomplete/unsatisfying poem. It's going into a file for a bit so I can revise.

*Brian has adopted a kitten from the Baltimore SPCA. It is gray and white and suitably adorable. I would like my complimentary toaster now for sucking him into the cat people cult. Thank you. You'll be a good cat daddy, I promise.

*Jessica Simpson, apparently, is allergic to cheese (don't ask me why a Google search today lead there). I'm late hearing about this. It disappoints me. There would have been much snark potential had I known earlier when I was incredibly cranky.

*Bjork's Post album makes me unbearably happy.

*Since I was in Baltimore I've been dreaming again.

*DirectTV has started airing the CHILLER channel, specializing in thriller/horror programming. They're airing Twin Peaks. I love the show. It went off the rails in the second season when a mannered quirkiness outweighed menace and unsurety but the first season is solid; it unnerves and inspires me.

*Why do I hate so many famous people from Texas?

*Michael Jackson is the most expensive whore in the world.

*The Arcade Fire have a new album out. I want it. Now.

*I desperately need a haircut. I'm calling tomorrow.

Little Things

It's still snowing but the forecasts say it's supposed to warm up by the end of the week. Yay. Hopefully it will so I can go to Baltimore and see Brian. It's been about six weeks since we've seen each other which is a little depressing. We talk on the phone a couple times a day and keep in touch via ims, but we knew early on that winter would be tough for travel. So I'm hoping there's not some unexpected front or pressure system or some such thing that will throw off this plan.

The starlings are out in full company at the feeders. This is distressing. They're hideous vile creatures. There are about a dozen there now, fighting over the suet feeder and the seed, running off the others. At one point there were about 4 or 5 hanging from the suet feeder rocking it back and forth as they fought over the cake.

I'm going to sew some seed this week before I leave for this year's garden: Cleome, Amaranthus, and Four O'Clocks. I've been very good about not digging into my nursery catalogs. I need to really get everything straightened up and thriving this year before I do any major additions. And catalogs are my downfall--I see plants and I want them and I put off the stuff that needs doing right now. I'll hit the local nurseries this year and get plants that'll fill in and beef up what's already there. But not much else except some annuals for the herb garden. I still have two dozen bee balm rootsets to put out that I didn't get to in the fall. But it'll get done.

For now, I just look at my hibiscus pink hula girl bic and feel happy. How can you not feel better with such a thing at hand?