Sex & Candy

A couple of choice snippets from today's Savage Love column from the Onion's AV Club.

"The percentage of teenagers having intercourse began to plateau in 2001 and has failed to budge since," wrote the Washington Post. "Experts are unsure of the reasons for the change, but [point to] the possibility that some irreducible portion of the teenage population can never be dissuaded from having sex."

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I'm a 27-year-old lesbian, and my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. When I moved out, I left the sex toys I knew were hers and took the rest. The first night she was back after I left, she texted me to ask for specific toys back! I made some insensitive comments about how I took the toys because I thought I might find someone who actually wanted to have sex with me, and she got angry. I ended up giving her all the toys back because I didn't want them any more after the argument.

What should the etiquette be around sex toys when two women break up, especially when strong feelings are involved?

Babe In Toyless Land

Have two women ever broken up without strong feelings being involved?

The etiquette around the division of sex toys after a breakup is the same that applies to the division of any property post-breakup, BITL. The splitting couple has a tense discussion about divvying up their shared property; if an agreement can't be reached, they sue the shit out of each other. It would be foolish to sue an ex over a dusty collection of strap-ons and vibrators, of course, as replacing the average sex-toy collection would be less expensive than a lawsuit. But exes have taken each other to court over dumber shit—custody of dogs, cats, kids, etc.

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The AV Club also has an interview with the inimitable Mink Stole.

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A friend of my mother's gave me more than 75 1.5 oz. boxes of Jelly Belly Sours. That's almost 9 lbs of jelly beans! What the hell? My pancreas is shutting down preemptively.

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Tomorrow I brave the WV DMV to renew my license. If this is anything like the experience I had 5 years ago, I will have one helluva rant tomorrow evening.

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I discovered 4 perfectly white hairs in my beard yesterday. Not blonde, not gray...white. It's time to shave. Daily. Until I die.

In related news: 21 shopping days remain until my birthday.