Rejected Captions for Round 3

Here are the rejected captions I generated for the last round of the Caption Contest Throwdown,

From T'was the Night at D. Beckham's
His Y fronts were stuffed with the tenderest care,
In hopes that the nanny soon would be there.

The L.A . Galaxy's equipment manager couldn't understand why they were always ordering new balls.

Rupert Murdoch uncovers the mystery of Posh's missing breast implants.

His nickname in the lockerroom was Taras Bulbous.

Early on Becks had to inform Posh that "poly-orchid" had nothing to do with botany.

Hernia trusses have never looked so sexy.

Bulge it like Beckham.

Whatcha gonna do with all them lumps, all them lumps down in my trunks. My trunks, my trunks, my lovely laddy trunks.