I Feel Like Flex Mentallo*

Productive day today: ran errands, went to the bank, paid for the car license and got some yard work done. Sprayed some weeds, pruned some stuff down that I'm going to try and kill in the next couple of weeks and pulled a tree out of the ground with my bare hands. I felt huge and manly. Huge and manly, I tell ya. Grrrr. I might have to go flex....

Going to plot out the new beds this weekend and try to be sensible and not just throw plants together. I like the whole cottage garden look but for now, until the plants are really established, I'm going to keep them separated and simple. I have plenty of time, according to the plant guides...seeing as to how I'm in the newly created Hardiness Zone 5A, I can wait until the end of April/beginning of May to sow seeds and set out plants. But that's going to be here before I know it...so I might as well just bite the bullet and do it now.

I called around earlier in the afternoon, looking for places that sold Saltpetre (aka Potassium Nitrate, KNO3) this proved a little more difficult than I imagined. I called a chain pharmacy which told me to call a hardware store or an independent pharmacist depending on the quantity I needed. Since I'm going to use it to kill a couple dozen unwanted plum and cherry trees, I decided to call Lowe's. Bad idea. Well--not so bad in theory, but in execution.

I called, got patched to the right department and ended up having perhaps the worst customer service call of my life.

Lowe's Employee: "MumblemumblemumbleLowe'scanIhelpyou?"
Me: "Do you carry Potassium Nitrate or Saltpetre?"
Lowe's Employee: "Peter?"
Me: (slower and louder) "Potassium Nitrate or Saltpetre. To kill stumps?"
Lowe's Employee: "Peter?"
Me: (more slowly and loudly) "Pooo-taaass-iuuuum Niii-trate or Saltpetre. To kill stumps?"
Lowe's Employee: "Peter?
That was when I hung up the phone.

I'll just go tomorrow and see when I shop for a machete. They're supposed to have one in stock. I really really really need a machete. Like this one:

*Flex Mentallo is some comic book geekery. But he's got those animal print trunks that I always thought were nifty.